Wanna know why some women can stay in a really bad relationship for months or years on end? It’s because she doesn’t really have any deal breakers.
Basically, those are things that are considered to be boundaries. Things that, if you start to experience them in a relationship, you know that it’s your cue to exit stage left. Why? Basically because they are signs that the person, and the relationship, ultimately means you absolutely no good.
Deal breakers are pretty much as varied as people’s personalities. But if you’re wondering which ones you should strongly consider putting at the top of your own list, we’ve got a few suggestions.
1. Abuse (of any kind)
A wise person once said that a good man will ruin your lipstick and not your mascara. Abuse—whether it’s physical, emotional, physical or even sexual—is painful and can do a real number on your self-esteem and self-worth. If you’re experiencing it in any way, you need to leave. A guy who’s abusive is not a lover. He’s an enemy.
The first thing that may come to mind is if a guy “cheats” on you. Actually, we’re speaking to if he’s a liar in any form or fashion. Relationships are based on trust and it’s hard to trust anyone who’s dishonest.
If you basically feel alone, even though you are with someone, what’s the point in being with them? Our thoughts exactly.
If he embarrasses you, teases you or denounces you in front of other people, all of this would fall under the heading of “humiliation”. He should help to make you feel better about yourself. Not worse.
5. Telling your private business
One of the best things about being in a relationship is you have someone to share so much of your life with. But you should never feel like you need to “edit” because you’re not sure what he’ll tell others and what he won’t. Your business is yours to tell. He should always respect that.
6. Sexual pressure
Sex is meant to be an enjoyable experience for both you and him. If you’re always feeling pressured to do things that you’re not ready for or interested in or at times when you’re not ready or interested, you deserve so much better. Please leave him and go find…him.
7. Using you for money
Hmm…so, is he always broke and so you find yourself always paying for dates? Or maybe he’s constantly short on cash and asking you to borrow a few bucks and then never pays it back. If this is the case, it’s a classic case of “I can do bad all by myself.” The last thing that you need to do is find yourself in financial debt or dire straits because of a relationship. Please don’t let wanting a boyfriend ruin your credit.
8. Being a user, period
What we just said doesn’t only apply to money but cars, resources and even relationships. The operative word in relationships is “relate”. If you’re doing more giving than receiving, something is definitely not right. Or good.
A puppet on a string. If that’s the best way to describe how your boyfriend makes you feel, he’s a classic manipulator. You can read more about the telltale signs of a manipulator by going here.
10. Not keeping his word (all of the time)
We wouldn’t be surprised in the least if this woman was staring out of the window because her boyfriend made a date and then canceled at the last minute. Although life happens and this might occur from time to time, it shouldn’t be a constant thing. A person’s word speaks to their level of integrity. Make sure your guy is dependable.
11. Not “claiming” you
So, how come nobody but you and him know that you two are together? Shady, shady, SHADY. If you’re not good enough to be claimed, guess what? Neither is he. Drop him like a bad habit. Um, because he is one.
12. Name calling
Pet names are cool. Calling you out of your name is not. If he does that, for any reason, it’s not funny and he shouldn’t get much of a pass on not being able to control his temper either. Name calling speaks to disrespect. What good can ever come out of that?
13. Flirting with your friends
Ugh. The ultimate deal breaker. A guy who will flirt with your friends is a guy who is arrogant and disgusting enough to be up to all kinds of crap. Now, it’s important to make sure to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. But if it is indeed the latter and super overt, don’t let him excuse his way out of it. There’s nothing to say other than “I’m sorry and I won’t call you ever again.”
14. Not taking you out
A man who cares about you is going to want to invest in you and also show you off. If you’ve never seen another other than his couch or bed…he’s not doing either one. And that sucks. Big time.
15. “Being single” online
If you both choose to be “single” as far as your online relationship status, that is one thing. But if you’re clearly in a relationship, he is not and more times than not, you’ve had to ask him about questionable online behavior (flirting, crazy postings from other girls, telling people that he’s not seeing anyone), we’re all for it…if you want to end it.
Respect is about esteeming and honoring someone. If that’s the last thing that your boyfriend does for you, yes, that is a deal breaker. A top three in our book.