Yeah. If all of us were really honest with ourselves (and the people around us), we’d admit that when it comes to relationships, some folks are so much harder to get over than others.
It’s not so much that you always want them back (or more importantly, need to get back with them). It’s just that you miss how the relationship used to be, miss being in a certain kind of relationship and/or you want them to still be in your life—some kind of way.
Here’s the problem with that, though. While you’re mulling over the past, that can make it really hard—if not downright impossible—to move forward. To get on with your life. To be with the kind of person who really and truly is best for you.
Sometimes not being over your ex is something that you may be in denial about. If you’re sensing that you may fall into this category, here are 15 signs that you definitely should not ignore.
1. You’re always talking about him.
OK. You’re not going to be able to come to this particular conclusion on your own. That’s why we recommend that you ask some of your friends. Don’t be offended if they’re like “Yeah, we’ve been meaning to mention that.” They’ve got your best interest at heart.
2. You’re cyber-stalking him (relatively speaking).
If you’re literally stalking him, that’s a crime so please stop doing it. But if you’re basically checking his social media pages every hour on the hour, while it’s not “illegal” it is a bit creepy and a total waste of your time. Stop doing it. It’s not worth it.
3. You won’t date other people.
When you’re busy holding on to one person, that makes it close to impossible to see being with anyone else. Sure he may have been a great guy. But the awesome thing about the world is that there are millions of others in it. Some who may be even better…if you’d just give them a chance.
4. You still “show up” where he is.
Remember what we said about stalking? If you’re always showing up where he is, he might start to feel like you’re a bit of a weirdo (which is never attractive). And if he’s with someone (totally his right if he’s your ex), that’s only going to make you feel bad. Why send yourself through that kind of self-inflicted torture?
5. You block your number and then call him.
OK. Here’s the point about this. If you have to block your number to call him…you don’t need to be calling him.
6. You compare other guys to him.
Comparing your ex to others is actually pretty normal. But if you’re doing it to the point that you feel no guy can match up to him, you’re going to put yourself in the position of missing out on people who may be different but just as awesome. If not better than that.
7. You’re his on-call “hook up”.
A lot of guys have no problem being broken up with you while still having sex with you. It’s a sad reality but oh so true. So don’t settle for being anyone’s on-call hook up. If he only wants to see you in the middle of the night in his bedroom…that’s your cue that he doesn’t only need to be your ex but ex-ed out. For good.
8. You sleep in his clothes (from when y’all were together).
Yeah, that shirt of his that you used to sleep in when you were together? That needs to go in the trash. Tonight, please.
9. You still have all of the stuff he gave you.
When it comes to the stuff that he gave you, unless he was a Class A jerk, we actually get why you’d probably want to hang on to some of it. But put it all in a box and then put it in the back of your closet or take it to the garage. No point in sending yourself through the torture of looking at it all of the time.
10. Your Facebook status still says you’re in “In a Relationship”.
If you’re not in a relationship, why does your status still say that you are? Even if it says “open relationship”, it’s not true if meanwhile on your ex’s page, he’s proudly declaring that he’s single!
11. You manipulate “the friendship”.
There are some couples who are able to manage being friends once their relationship comes to an end. All good but here’s the deal: If you’re still trying to come on to him, if you get jealous when he goes out with other people or you give crappy advice to purposely sabotage his next relationship, that’s not being a true friend. You need to get some space to do a bit of healing.
12. You keep trying to get back with him (even though he’s not interested).
Guys tend to not beat around the bush when it comes to how they’re feeling. So, if you keep asking your ex what he thinks about getting back together and he keeps shooting you down, guess what? He means it.
13. You still try to associate with his family members and friends.
If the relationship was serious enough and lasted long enough, then you probably got to know some of his family and closest friends. Trying to use them as “bait” to keep him hooked is just that: using them. And you know what? It’s so not cool.
14. You keep texting him (all of the time).
A surefire way of getting your number blocked by him is if you keep texting him all of the time. Besides, if the two of you are broken up, what more is there to really say anyway?
15. You think there’s still a future for you (even though he doesn’t).
Who knows what the future holds? But if a guy tells you that he doesn’t see you in it, don’t keep trying to convince him of otherwise. Life is about living in the present. Take care of you, heal your heart and move on. If it’s meant to be, another chance will present itself. Without you having to force it.