If you’re someone who’s always dreamed of being in a relationship, we get that. A lot of people desire to find the one person they can love who they feel will love them back. But contrary to what the popular lyrics of an old song once said love is not supposed to hurt…or scar you—mentally, emotionally, verbally and definitely not physically.
That’s why we wanted to do our part to help to keep you from being caught up in “the wrong kind of love” so that you can actually find your way to the kind of relationship that will be truly helpful and beneficial for you.
If you’re in a relationship and you see yourself anywhere in these signs, that’s your sign that it’s time to move on.
1. You’re unhappy. A lot.
If you happen to watch reruns of Sex & the City, you might remember Samantha saying that the sign of a good relationship is whether or not it makes you smile all of the time or frown a lot. Yeah, we’ll add cry to that list too. If you’re always upset, how is that helping you? Answer: It’s not.
2. Your family and friends don’t like him very much.
Although those closest to you shouldn’t be the ultimate determining factor of who you date, remember that they care about you and are able to provide a perspective that you may not have considered. One person not liking your boyfriend is not a big deal. But if several of them have an issue…hear them out.
3. You both argue a lot.
All couples have disagreements but it’s one thing to not see eye to eye from time to time. It’s another matter entirely to always be the ones who are verbally sparing. Besides, if you’re arguing all of the time, chances are you’re not really listening to one another which means you’re not truly communicating which means that you’re not really connecting.
4. There are signs of abuse.
One of the best definitions of abuse is “abnormal use”. And if someone is hurting you, in any way, not only is that abnormal but dangerous. You deserve to be loved and cherished—not broken down and wounded whether that’s with someone’s first or their words.
5. Sex is pretty much the only thing you have in common.
Sex is an important part of a relationship but it shouldn’t be the only part. If that’s all that you and yours have going for you, at the end of the day, it’s not much. Emotional intimacy should be paramount over physical pleasure. Just something to think about.
6. He puts you down.
One of the purposes of a relationship is it’s supposed to strengthen you and make you feel good about yourself. If that’s a foreign concept to you, if all your boyfriend does is put you down…it’s time to put him out of your life.
7. You don’t like who you are when you’re with him.
Here’s a sign that a lot of people miss. If you realize that you’re happy and positive about life when you’re alone or with your friends, but you’re suddenly sad and low whenever he comes around, ask yourself “Why is that?” And then wait for the answer. What we will tell you is this: Something is definitely not right if that is the case.
8. You change the core of yourself to appease him.
It’s one thing to compromise. It’s another matter entirely to change who you are just to appease someone else. You deserve someone who likes the real you. Not the you that they want you to be.
9. You’re not honest about your needs.
Relationships are about give and take. Not take and take. And then take some more. If you’re doing most of the contributing and either you’re not stating your needs or they’re not being met, that’s super unhealthy.
10. You feel manipulated and controlled.
Does your boyfriend not let you voice your opinion? Does he make all of the decisions? Do you feel like you don’t really have a lot of freedom in your relationship? If so, you fall into the “I’m being manipulated and controlled” category. Yeah, that’s not good.
11. The cons outweigh the pros.
Every once in a while, it’s always a good idea to step back and do a bit of personal/relationship inventory. One way to do that is to comprise a pros and cons list about what you like about your boyfriend and what you enjoy about the relationship. If when you finish, the cons seem to outweigh the pros…that’s not something to ignore.
12. You break up. Often.
If breaking up and making up is basically your pattern, that’s one that you should break—quick, fast and in a hurry. Basically, the breaking up is letting you know what something isn’t working. The making up is usually a signal that you’re afraid to deal with what that really is.
13. You feel lonely.
Wanna know what’s worse that feeling lonely? Feeling alone in an actual relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re getting the love and support that you need, why are you with him? You really just might be better off alone. And you know what? That’s OK.
14. The relationship is stagnant.
Anything that’s not moving forward is not progressing—and eventually that’s going to prove itself to be a really big problem. No one’s saying that you need to set a wedding date. But what we are saying is your relationship should have some sort of plans for the future.
15. You’re ignoring these flags and others.
Now that we’ve brought some of these things to your attention, if they are raising some questions, that’s a good thing. That means that you’re willing to really look at if your relationship is helping you (good) or hurting you (bad). Bottom line: Choose to be in a relationship that is good for your mind, body and spirit. One that truly is going to be healthy. OK? Cool.