Thanks to Facebook, the relationship status of “It’s Complicated” has become more popular than ever. But the reality is that while a lot of people may choose to explain their relationship that way, we’re not so sure that it’s the healthiest kind of relationship to have. After all, when something is complicated, that means it’s “difficult to analyze, understand, explain, etc.” And when a relationship is healthy, it really shouldn’t be so difficult.
So if you’re someone who would personally use the two-word phrase to explain your relationship (or “situation” if you feel that’s the more appropriate word), here are some of the reasons why that’s probably the case. And also the reasons why you might want/need to rethink staying in it.
1. You keep breaking up. Then getting back together.
If you and yours can’t go a month without breaking up (or threatening to), that’s not good. It either means you’re not as compatible as you both need to be or you have some pretty bad communication issues. Either way, breaking up to make up again is a pattern that needs to be broken. Sooner than later.
2. You don’t have a title.
Yeah, we know. Not everyone feels like having a title in a relationship is necessary. We get that but here’s why we still recommend it. When there’s a title, there’s clarity about what the relationship is—and isn’t. So, even if it’s one that you both share in private, discussing having one so that expectations can be mutually met.
3. You’re more into him than he is into you (or vice versa).
Someone once said that in a relationship, the one who cares the least is usually the one who is also in the most control. That’s because the one who cares the most tends to go overboard to keep the one who cares the least around. But when you’re in a relationship, it’s honestly not supposed to be this way. Both of you are to be on the giving and receiving end. If that’s not the case, not only is the relationship complicated but more times than not, someone is always going to feel disappointed.
4. One or both of you are seeing other people.
Until you are married, you are single. Therefore, you’re not committing some sort of unforgivable crime if you want to date several people at once. At the same time, if you and your man have the understanding that the relationship is exclusive but you’re seeing other people without him knowing about it, that’s more than “complicated”. It’s deceptive too.
5. You “mate” but don’t “date”.
There are a lot of people who find themselves pretty disillusioned because they confuse good sex with being a great relationship. So let’s spare you from being one of these statistics: If you only get called over to have sex and you’re more familiar with what his bedroom looks like than a restaurant or movie theater, you’re not really in a relationship. You’re his sex partner. And if you want more, you definitely deserve it.
6. You don’t “claim each other” on social media.
It’s amazing (and also a bit sad), the amount of people who are together but no one has a clue about it on social media. That’s not to say that you too should have deep chats (or arguments) on Facebook or Twitter but dang, there should at least be a couple of pictures of the two of you in Instagram, don’t you think?
7. You can’t explain the relationship in one sentence.
One of the best things about having friends is they can ask you the tough questions. So the next time one of your close friends says “So, what’s going on with the two of you?” pay close attention to your answer. If you notice that you’re rambling, that usually means that you’re confused. And that means that it’s not as black-and-white as it probably should be.
8. You can easily go a few days without talking.
If you and your guy don’t feel the need to talk every hour on the hour, we think that’s great. And healthy. But if the last time you heard a word from him as four days ago and he’s not on an international trip where there’s a sucky cell phone connection, pardon us for asking but “What’s up with that?”
9. The good times are great. The bad ones tend to happen more often though.
Isn’t this picture awesome? It’s suppose to be a roller coaster which fit this next point perfectly. If you have extreme emotional highs and also extreme emotional lows, that’s one of the classic symptoms of a bipolar disorder. We’re pretty sure you can see where we’re going with that.
10. Your relationship seems more like a pattern than a conscious choice.
In a relationship, you should never be somewhere wondering if someone loves you or not. But if you’re in a pattern of “he loves me”, “he loves me not”, take a moment to think about if you want more. And if so, make the conscious choice to choose better. Even if that means choosing to be with someone else.
11. Your friends are divided on if he’s good for you.
Although you shouldn’t totally rely on your friends to help you make decisions, you should keep their opinions in mind. If half like him and half don’t, pay attention to why. People can oftentimes see a far greater picture by looking from the “outside in” rather than the “inside out”.
12. Your pros and cons list are about neck ‘n neck.
Ideally, someone is a good fit for you if the pros far exceed the cons. But if they’re about half and half, no wonder your relationship is complicated. We’ll just advise this: make sure the pros make the cons worth sticking around for. If not, keep it moving.
13. You love him. But don’t always like him as much.
Married couples will quickly tell you that the key to making a relationship last is not so much “being in love” but being the best of friends. And in order for that to happen, two people must really like one another. Do you like him as much as you love him? If not, something is definitely a little…off.
14. The relationship doesn’t really make sense. Even to you.
Do you see the look on her face? She doesn’t seem very happy, does she? If the people in your life tell you that you basically look the same way most of the time, that’s a huge red flag. Your relationship should make you feel good. Not give you the emotional equivalent of a migrane headache.
15. At least five times a week, you wonder if you should move on.
Short and sweet: If you wonder if you should move on from your oh so complicated relationship, guess what? You probably should.